Written by Randy Hyde on August 3, 2009 in Masturbation Addiction - 11 Comments

I have been practicing as a Clinical Psychologist for more than 25 years. During that time, I have diagnosed and treated individuals, couples and families for a host of mental health and addiction issues. I can tell you that in all my experience, I have consistently observed several common core issues at the foundation of most people’s mental health and addiction challenges. One of the most important factors is loyalty. This holds especially true for sexual/pornography addiction. I submit that one of the core issues at the heart of an individual’s struggle with pornography use is a “lack of loyalty.” This contributes greatly to feelings of isolation, disconnection and loneliness—all major factors in this addiction. Take time to deeply consider the following concepts AND to complete the simple exercises:

1. Loyalty is a powerful and absolutely necessary value in all successful friendships. What else does it take to be a “best friend”? Make a list of the essential qualities to be someone’s “best friend”.
2. Make a list of the individuals that you consider to be your “best friends.

Are you on the list? If not, why not? If YOU are not one of your best friends, then you are not loyal to yourself; not committed to yourself. How will you ever be successful if you are not a best friend to yourself? The same principles that it takes to be a best friend to someone else are exactly what it takes to be a best friend to yourself! Look at your list of qualities to be a best friend. To be a best friend it takes tolerance and patience because no one is perfect. It takes forgiveness. It takes deep commitment and loyalty. It takes service and being good to that person. It takes not being critical, but understanding and supportive. It takes being fun to be around. It takes service and being kind to that person. It takes being trustworthy and the kind of person that can be counted on.

If you have not been a best friend to yourself it is time to change! Commit to yourself, develop a loyal friendship with yourself beginning today! If you are not for you, who can you expect to be? It is unreasonable to expect or hope that someone else is willing to do something that you yourself are not willing to do. If you want or expect someone else to love you, you have to be willing to love yourself. It all starts with you! You will find that when you love yourself and are friends with yourself others will follow.

When is the last time you were kind and compassionate to yourself? Nice to yourself? Supported and forgave yourself? Gave yourself a pep talk, encouraged or supported yourself? If you have not been a “best friend” to yourself you have been betraying yourself. Make a list of other ways have you been betraying yourself.

Being your own best friend does not mean that you are better than others; but it certainly doesn’t mean that you are less than others either!

Research has shown that to have a successful relationship, there must be five times more positive interaction than negative interaction (5:1 ratio). When there is an equal number of positive to negative interactions (1:1 ratio), that relationship is doomed—it is very difficult to be in a relationship with a pessimistic person.

Research has also shown that when there is an equal number of positive to negative thoughts (1:1 ratio) a person is depressed and therapy or antidepressants aren’t effective until that ratio changes. When a person has twice as many positive thoughts as negative thoughts that person will no longer be depressed (2:1 ratio).

So, here are some questions for you. What would happen to your relationship with yourself if your interactions with yourself were 5 positives for every negative? For example, what if your “self-talk” were five times more positive than negative? Then let’s take it even one step further—What if you had 5 positive thoughts for every negative thought? What would happen to your feelings of depression and self-doubt?

These are examples of how to be your own best friend! This is how you demonstrate fierce loyalty to your self! Work on these things and I can promise you that this will be a significant advantage in your recovery process. This is why we have included “self-friendship” and “self-loyalty” as important components of the Candeo Recovery Training program.

Make a list of commitments of what you will do to be your own best friend—to be fiercely loyal to yourself.

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Candeo is Devoted to Helping Pornography Addicts Start Down the Path of Healing

Candeo is an online organization whose mission is to educate and train individuals about the realistic, scientifically proven nature of Pornography Addiction.

It is estimated that in the U.S. alone, there are more than 60 million individuals, including men, women and children, caught up in Internet Pornography Addiction at some level. Pornography use is having a dramatic impact on their individual lives, families and society as a whole.

Candeo’s groundbreaking training system is an online Pornography Addiction Psycho-Education & Training System. This website contains many resources to help you learn more about this exciting new approach to helping those who are Addicted to Pornography.

To learn more and sign up for a FREE sample mini-course click HERE.