Written by kevindavis on March 13, 2009 in Masturbation Addiction - 1 Comment

by  John Hodges, Candeo Student

Hi, my name is John Hodges and I started with Candeo back in the early fall of last year. I was at a point in my life that I knew had to be rock bottom. I had lost my marriage and fell through a roof and was out on workers’ comp. I was at home surfing the web when I found an article about Candeo. After losing my marriage due to a string of bad choices I had made, I had plunged myself into self medicating with pornography and masturbation. I knew, however, that at some point I was going to pass the point of safe return and be lost forever (because I chose to be). I didn’t want this. So, when I saw the article and came to the site, I felt that God and steered me to it. Now, I KNOW that He did.

I didn’t balk at the price, it was much higher then, because I knew I had to try something different. I had been looking at porn off and on for years . . . masturbating quite regularly since I was 9, and really never saw a way out. In fact, every time I heard the charge to “be perfect” from the scriptures, I would cringe and wonder why God was such a harsh disciplinarian. Again, it was time for a change. I had struggled by executing a bad strategy long enough, so I knew that this was time for me to call a time out, re-strategize, and to go back into the game with a new game plan.

Candeo was/is exactly that…a new game plan! It stresses change, accountability, and for me, most importantly, consistency…not perfection! It’s exactly what I needed, and still need, in order to live my life as peacefully as I do now. But I’ve learned that the techniques I learned through Candeo not only benefit me with sexual addiction, but also with my food addiction…in fact, I’m down by more than 40 lbs since starting, my relationships with my children, ex-wife, and even ex-in-laws are the best they’ve ever been. But most importantly, I have learned, through this process and the techniques, to love ME. I love myself so deeply now. Through this journey, I’ve gone through several phases trying to figure out who I am…something I was always afraid to do because of my fear of what others would think of me. I went through a clubbing phase, a rock star phase, a jewelry wearing phase, and even a gender bending phase (with nail polish and eyeliner, too…EVEN AT CHURCH!!!! LOL!!!) In the end, I’ve come to realize that I am me . . . and without all of the accessories, clothes, make-up, etc. . . . I love me, and God loves me with or without those things . . . so nothing else in the world matters. In fact, knowing this, everything else really just falls into place. I love me best with all of the exterior and surface stuff stripped away . . . everything . . . just me being me.

I’ve learned to connect with deity in a way that I never thought possible. And I don’t see my God as a tyrant that I fear reporting to, or who is constantly looking over my shoulder. No, I know that’s not who He is. He is a God who loves me, who keeps all of his promises, who, through His Son, has made it possible for me to be perfect in times of temptation through His tender mercy, love, and enabling grace.

To sum this all up . . . Candeo so rocks!
John

May you find peace – body, mind, and spirit.