As a Candeo Co-Founder, for me, one of the most gratifying aspects of our program is the opportunity we have of reaching out and helping individuals across the world. To date, there are Candeo Students in 59 countries using our program to help break free from unwanted sexual outlets and behaviors. And even though our Students come from all types of backgrounds, cultures and belief systems, I am amazed at how they all come together in our Candeo Student Forum to share, learn, discuss, mentor and support each other.
Here’s a recent discussion thread from the forum where Candeo Students talk about how valuable this tool has been as a part of their ongoing success—
Candeo Student: Kayne—
I love this forum I love the people on it. There’s so much openness here so much blunt honesty that is great. There is so much true sincerity on here people really wanting to try and get out of this and sharing experiences to help others in the same boat. We even have older guys on here that hang around helping younger folks.
Everybody here has really been great. I can come here and feel wanted, needed loved. I know someone here will try and help if I need it. I can come here if Im starting to feel down and read some posts and feel uplifted. God knows its weird but I actually pray about people on this message board.
It is quite crazy but honestly I don’t think I could have done without these forums. The Candeo lessons really helped but I think the forums really made the difference for me. It will actually be kind of sad to leave in a couple of months or so but also good to know I’ll be moving on.
And it was great having actual human emails sent to me from candeo when I didn’t log in for a few days checking up on me. It has overall been a great experience and all this has really given me control back over my life. I would say I’m porn free. It is simply amazing candeo took a sad pathetic crying me and in 14 weeks changed me into a brand new person, a porn free person, a happy person, a person that no longer contemplates suicide and darkness. Well you’ve read my thread so you know the miserable person I have been and the brand new happier me that’s well on my way to doing something productive with my life.
Candeo Student: Sham00—
I’m actually addicted to the forum now. I can’t stop. I spend at least 30 minutes per day on it. I need to join “Forum Posters Anonymous.” No, honestly, I think this forum is a very valuable tool. It is a place to not only get help but lend help. And, both getting help and lending help seem to play a role in recovery.
Candeo Student: Thomas—
As for the forum…it has really played a big part in my recovery too. I have been the recipient of so much positive feedback/suggestions/advice and encouragement. No wonder it is addictive!
Thanks for taking a moment and remind all of us how much we appreciate it. I’ve said this before too, I don’t want to get too sappy, but the Candeo developers can not realize what a revolutionary change they are making in the world. Think of the power this program has for good. It is almost staggering when you think about it…
Candeo Student: Brandon—
Gotta love the forum. Thanks Candeo, and thanks to all of you that post. I cant begin to tell you the amount of knowledge I have gained not only from the lessons, but from the random posts that I read everyday.
THANK YOU!!!
When you decide you’re ready to become a Candeo Student, you’ll have the wonderful opportunity to be part of our remarkable online discussion forum and community. So, from all of us here at Candeo, and from our world-wide Students—we look forward to helping you on your journey to overcome your unwanted behaviors. And, we welcome all of the support, insights and advice you will have to offer.
When we attempt to overcome unwanted behaviors—especially sexual behaviors— and repeatedly fail, we’re often left with feelings of frustration, shame and self-doubt. “What’s wrong with me?” “Why can’t I overcome this?” “Maybe I’m just a lost cause or a loser!” In order to progress forward and overcome your unwanted behaviors, you need to understand the true nature of your struggles and “How you got here.” Learning that there is a logical, reasonable, scientific explanation behind your unwanted behaviors will change the way you view yourself and be a huge advantage in moving forward.
Read more…
Sexuality is an important part of our lives. Throughout the world, individuals choose to express their sexual energies in a variety of ways. For many people, the sexual outlets they pursue can become a major disruption in their lives and get in the way of enjoying committed, fulfilling relationships. These sexual outlets can include things like hooking up and one-night-stands; phone sex, sexual chat rooms, masturbation, prostitutes, many different forms of pornography; strip clubs, massage parlors and many more. Frustrated and unhappy with the results of their sexual behaviors, many get to the place where they realize, “This just isn’t working for me any more.” So, they try to stop the behavior, but too often discover that they can’t. No matter how hard they try, they keep going back to the same sexual outlets, even though doing so is messing up their lives and their relationships.
Why is it so hard to break out of unwanted sexual behaviors and outlets? Shouldn’t it just be a matter of deciding, “I’m not going to do that any more” and stop? Unfortunately, it’s rarely that simple. Dr. Page Bailey’s illustration of “The Funnel of Sexual Process” helps explain why breaking out of negative sexual habits can be so difficult.
Imagine in your mind an hourglass, wide at the top and slowly narrowing down to a very small passageway in the center and then back to a wide opening at the bottom. This is a perfect illustration of how the brain behaves in sexual process. As we go along in everyday life, our brain has a relatively wide perspective taking in all of the people and things around us. But once an individual becomes sexually aroused, the brain immediately begins to narrow its focus as it releases a tidal wave of endorphins and other neurochemicals. The word endorphin is derived from two words—“Endogenous” meaning produced from within, and “morphine” a powerful pain-killer. So, in the funnel of sexual process, our brain and nervous system release our own natural pain killers.
In addition, we also release other powerful neuro-chemicals like dopamine—the body’s pleasure chemical. So, in the funnel, stress and pain are blocked out and at the same time, we feel enormous pleasure. The further we head down into the funnel, the more narrow our focus. The logic centers of the brain shut down and the pleasure centers take over. And the pleasure center of the brain has only one absolute goal—climax. On our way there, we block out the world and all distractions.
In a healthy relationship, this narrowing process causes the couple to narrowly focus on each other and enjoy the pleasure together. However, when we enter the funnel outside a committed relationship, through any number of sexual outlets, the narrow focus is on self and getting our own rush or high as a pleasure outlet or an escape from the stresses of life—just like any other drug. The trouble is, because the pleasure center of the brain is in complete control, all thoughts of logic, values, consequences, self-control and future goals are blocked out.
Then, after we reach climax, we emerge from the narrowest part of the funnel. The Logic center of the brain regains control, and that’s when we realize we’ve given in yet again, and the feelings of frustration, loneliness and depression hit us. It’s at this point that we often feel the greatest motivation to get the help we need to break out of our unwanted sexual behaviors. However, soon the negative feelings dissipate and our determination to get help fades away as we get back into the routine of life. We miss the chance to get on the path to breaking free.
Here’s another way to look at this cycle.
The Avoidance Cycle
When it comes to bad habits and addictions, people typically use one primary strategy in their attempt to break free—avoidance through willpower.
When they feel an urge to indulge in unwanted sexual outlets, most individuals who are trying to break free of the behavior, attempt to force the thought or urge out of their mind and avoid the situation. All of us have heard the traditional advice, “You just need to try harder.” This is the worst advice there is because it usually plunges the struggling individual into what we call the Avoidance Cycle.
What happens when you try to force a thought out of your mind? For instance, right now I don’t want you to think about a big, bright, yellow school bus. No matter what, DO NOT think about that bus! Of course, the more you try to fight and keep the image out of your mind, the more it forces its way in. In psychology we call this an intrusive thought. Continually attempting to force the same intrusive thoughts, urges or feelings out of your mind can hopelessly plunge you into the Avoidance Cycle.
In the Avoidance Cycle, the struggling individual fights the sexual thoughts and urges and does everything he can to resist them. But they just continue nagging at him and trying to force their way in. Finally, worn out from the constant battle, he gives in and indulges in the same old sexual outlets. Temporarily, he feels relief—he doesn’t have to fight the urges anymore. But then, after the experience—the “rush”—is over, once again all of the negative emotions set in. He makes a new vow—“That’s the last time I will ever do that!” And he heads in to the Avoidance Cycle all over again.
After years of being trapped in this cycle, many people simply resolve themselves to their sexual habits—“Why bother trying. I’m never going to get past this. I might as well just give in and stop fighting.”
Get the Help You Need
Believe it or not, the best time to take action and get help with your unwanted sexual behaviors, is after you have indulged and you’re feeling the emotional fallout. Use these negative emotions to your advantage—use them to motivate you to get the help you need and start changing your life and relationships for the better! If you’re sick and tired of the sexual outlets you’ve been pursuing, and you want start breaking free—then sign up for the Candeo program and start taking charge of your life! Do it now, before you change your mind and head back into that crazy cycle again!
