This is the Official Podcast from Candeo. The Answer For Your Porn Addiction.
Episode 26. September 9, 2009. With Mark Kastleman.
This weeks episode is titled, “The New “Mirror Neurons” & Porn Addiction.”
11 Replies to Podcast 26 – The New “Mirror Neurons” and Porn Addiction
D
September 11, 2009 • 7:40 am
I’m more disgusted with my husband after hearing this. I guess I already knew this, but I’ve forgotten about it. He will not get help on his own. He will not be open about this, and I am very tired of wondering what he’s doing.
In listening to this, I really believe it to be true. I have an example that came to my mind too. When you see someone yawn, it usually makes you yawn too!!
Thank you for this great on-line service sharing freely these life saving tools.This is something that I have often heard in my 30 years of sexual addiction.It is a complex addiction likened to the food addict’s struggle with the food and their natural bodily urges.I say complex because sex and our basic human identity go hand and hand,we can not stop being sexual as say the case of an alcoholic can stop drinking.We can however stop being destructive with our use of our own sexual powers.Cognitive behavioral therapy has not helped me in the past I find that I am help prisoner by something more than what is in my brain.I suffer from things like constant anxiety,low self esteem ,a compulsive need to self medicate.How does your therapy address problems that are of indicative of a damaged self image and a wounded primal integrity?Thank you for your wonderful insights and help.-Jim.
This makes sense. I love the part about changing the way you view an attractive woman. As a sex object or a real woman with values, goals, a family, a real, live healthy woman. Although sometimes I just want to be viewd as a sexy woman, I know I am so much more. This is where I get disgusted when my boyfriend stares at other attractive women. I can actually feel whats going on inside of him when I observe this behavior. Very sad.
Jim:
You are wise to realize that sexual addiction is “not just about sex.” There are myriad underlying issues with this addiction. You mention three that are very common–anxiety, low self-esteem and an obsessive/compulsive cycle. Our Candeo program addresses these issues and many more. The real key to the recovery process is to move beyond the outward symptoms of addiction, i.e., viewing porn, and resolve the “core causes.” This takes time, effort and determination, but many have succeeded and I am confident that you can as well.
This is to D. Please do not give up on your husband. You have to get it into your head that this addiction your husband has has NOTHING to do with you… NOTHING!! He has an actual drug addiction it just happens to be inside his own body and doesn’t have to be injected by needle or poured into a glass. He’s probably not being open because he feels ashamed he’s just not ready to accept the fact that he has a real problem with pornography. He’s living in complete denial about it which is also normal to do. All I can tell you is don’t give up he needs all the support he can get.
My wife caught me red handed a few years ago. I promised her I wouldn’t do it again. I did okay for a few weeks. But she was too ashamed to let me get help from my church leaders and church programs specifically for such things. She was too worried about someone finding out, and knowing she was married to a man with such problems. It’s VERY dangerous to judge people because of behavioral addictions, even tendencies. It is completely illogical to expect someone to “just put it out of [his] your mind…just choose not to do it,” especially when that man was exposed to such things [men's magazines like Hustler, Penthouse, etc] at a young age. I saw my first Playboy centerfold when I was perhaps 6 or 7. Men who grow up with such things have NO HOPE of overcoming on their own; short of moving to a remote area without any Internet, communications, TV, etc, for perhaps 10 years of reading only the Bible. Women [like my wife] who feel they should leave their husbands for such behavior are unforgiving…and unLOVING! I LONG to talk with a psychiatrist about this, but I’m afraid my wife would leave me–taking our two kids–if she determined I still had the problem. How screwed up is THAT????
Maybe your wife would be ok with you going to a psychiatrist. Did you ask her? She has to realize that if she wants you to get better…you need professional help. That’s wonderful that you want to get help. I think you should still be honest with her….even if she doesn’t react well. I know that some of my reactions to my husband’s PA were done in anger. I didn’t really mean some of the ultimatums I gave him. Be open about what you’re going through, and pray for her heart to be softened. In this situation you NEED to do what’s best for you. Please get the help you need.
D
September 11, 2009 • 7:40 am
I’m more disgusted with my husband after hearing this. I guess I already knew this, but I’ve forgotten about it. He will not get help on his own. He will not be open about this, and I am very tired of wondering what he’s doing.
aaron
September 11, 2009 • 9:40 am
In listening to this, I really believe it to be true. I have an example that came to my mind too. When you see someone yawn, it usually makes you yawn too!!
jim tucker
September 11, 2009 • 5:51 pm
Thank you for this great on-line service sharing freely these life saving tools.This is something that I have often heard in my 30 years of sexual addiction.It is a complex addiction likened to the food addict’s struggle with the food and their natural bodily urges.I say complex because sex and our basic human identity go hand and hand,we can not stop being sexual as say the case of an alcoholic can stop drinking.We can however stop being destructive with our use of our own sexual powers.Cognitive behavioral therapy has not helped me in the past I find that I am help prisoner by something more than what is in my brain.I suffer from things like constant anxiety,low self esteem ,a compulsive need to self medicate.How does your therapy address problems that are of indicative of a damaged self image and a wounded primal integrity?Thank you for your wonderful insights and help.-Jim.
Lorac
September 12, 2009 • 10:12 am
This makes sense. I love the part about changing the way you view an attractive woman. As a sex object or a real woman with values, goals, a family, a real, live healthy woman. Although sometimes I just want to be viewd as a sexy woman, I know I am so much more. This is where I get disgusted when my boyfriend stares at other attractive women. I can actually feel whats going on inside of him when I observe this behavior. Very sad.
Mark Kastleman
September 14, 2009 • 8:36 am
Jim:
You are wise to realize that sexual addiction is “not just about sex.” There are myriad underlying issues with this addiction. You mention three that are very common–anxiety, low self-esteem and an obsessive/compulsive cycle. Our Candeo program addresses these issues and many more. The real key to the recovery process is to move beyond the outward symptoms of addiction, i.e., viewing porn, and resolve the “core causes.” This takes time, effort and determination, but many have succeeded and I am confident that you can as well.
Jessica
September 14, 2009 • 3:40 pm
This is to D. Please do not give up on your husband. You have to get it into your head that this addiction your husband has has NOTHING to do with you… NOTHING!! He has an actual drug addiction it just happens to be inside his own body and doesn’t have to be injected by needle or poured into a glass. He’s probably not being open because he feels ashamed he’s just not ready to accept the fact that he has a real problem with pornography. He’s living in complete denial about it which is also normal to do. All I can tell you is don’t give up he needs all the support he can get.
John Corbin
September 15, 2009 • 1:07 pm
My wife caught me red handed a few years ago. I promised her I wouldn’t do it again. I did okay for a few weeks. But she was too ashamed to let me get help from my church leaders and church programs specifically for such things. She was too worried about someone finding out, and knowing she was married to a man with such problems. It’s VERY dangerous to judge people because of behavioral addictions, even tendencies. It is completely illogical to expect someone to “just put it out of [his] your mind…just choose not to do it,” especially when that man was exposed to such things [men's magazines like Hustler, Penthouse, etc] at a young age. I saw my first Playboy centerfold when I was perhaps 6 or 7. Men who grow up with such things have NO HOPE of overcoming on their own; short of moving to a remote area without any Internet, communications, TV, etc, for perhaps 10 years of reading only the Bible. Women [like my wife] who feel they should leave their husbands for such behavior are unforgiving…and unLOVING! I LONG to talk with a psychiatrist about this, but I’m afraid my wife would leave me–taking our two kids–if she determined I still had the problem. How screwed up is THAT????
John Corbin
September 15, 2009 • 1:08 pm
P.S. John Corbin, of course, is not my real name.
D
September 18, 2009 • 8:43 pm
Maybe your wife would be ok with you going to a psychiatrist. Did you ask her? She has to realize that if she wants you to get better…you need professional help. That’s wonderful that you want to get help. I think you should still be honest with her….even if she doesn’t react well. I know that some of my reactions to my husband’s PA were done in anger. I didn’t really mean some of the ultimatums I gave him. Be open about what you’re going through, and pray for her heart to be softened. In this situation you NEED to do what’s best for you. Please get the help you need.
D
September 18, 2009 • 8:44 pm
thanks for the encouragement, jessica.
anonymous
October 24, 2009 • 5:51 am
well done candeo for your wonderful podcast it has been of great help to my addiction to porn