How do you know if you’re addicted to porn?

Written by on September 2, 2009 in Brain Science of Addiction, Masturbation Addiction, Most Popular, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - 32 Comments

Having practiced as a therapist for over 30 years, I have helped individuals from all walks of life deal with the heavy burden of porn addiction. In nearly every case, one of the greatest obstacles to getting people into recovery is “denial.” With ra

re exception, individuals come to me for assistance after one or both of the following events take place:

  1. The porn addict hits “rock bottom” where their life and/or most important relationships have become so miserable, dysfunctional or unmanageable, they will do “anything” to get help.
  2. A spouse, partner, parent or boss discovers the individual’s porn addiction and demands they get help “or else.”
  3. One of the scenarios that is conspicuously missing from this list is a third option: The struggling individual seeks help voluntarily, early in his porn addiction—before his life and relationships get hammered. Unfortunately, these individuals are very few and far between. Why? In my experience, porn addicts hesitate or refuse to get help for a number of reasons:
  • Shame and Fear: The porn user feels tremendous shame, and fears that if those he cares for find out about his addiction, they will reject him—he will lose his reputation, their respect and their love.
  • I Can Handle it Myself: Because he fears anyone discovering his addiction, he convinces himself that he can break out of his porn use by himself. He may also go it alone because he is convinced that “it’s really not that serious—it’s no big deal.” Of course, he chooses to discount or ignore the fact that he has tried to overcome it by himself countless times and failed.
  • I’m Not Sure I Want to Stop: Pornography use triggers the release of powerful neurochemicals in the brain producing an instant pleasure rush, a high and an escape from the stress and pressures of life. Porn can create a “chemical dependency” like that found with other drugs of choice. The addict doesn’t know if he can, or even wants to give up his self-medication through porn.

Regardless of which of these scenarios apply, I find that most individuals caught up in porn use tend to diminish, discount or outright deny that they have a problem. So how do you know if you are addicted to pornography? There are many different signs and attributes of addiction. Here are just a few questions that can help you in the addiction identification process:

How Do I Know if I’m Addicted?

Answer the following questions:

  1. Does your porn use feel out of your control?
  2. Do you have trouble controlling when you will look at porn and limiting the time you spend? Have you made unsuccessful attempts to quit?
  3. Do you feel anger or irritability if you are confronted about your porn use or asked to stop?
  4. Do you feel like there is another person or force inside of you driving you to pornography?
  5. Do you keep using porn despite negative consequences?
  6. Do you “get lost” in porn use—lose track of time; spend more time than intended; neglect work, school, relationships and other responsibilities?
  7. Does pornography consume your thinking? When you’re not viewing it, do you think about it and anticipate when you will indulge again?
  8. Is your porn use in conflict with your values and beliefs? Do you feel guilt, shame, remorse, empty and/or depressed after viewing porn?
  9. Do you keep your porn use a secret and fear that others might find out?
  10. Have you ever promised yourself that you would never use pornography again?

If you answered “yes” to more than a few of these questions, there is a very strong probability that you are addicted to pornography. In my 30 years of clinical experience, I can tell you that if you don’t take steps to get on the path to recovery, your addiction will only escalate and your life will become increasingly unmanageable over time. In addition, if you believe you can conquer this on your own, history is against you. I have yet to find an individual who was able to break free all alone.

However, I also know of the guilt, shame and fear that accompany this addiction. If you are like many struggling under the weight of this heavy burden, “going public” with your porn use and telling a spouse, parent, family, friends or others may be “unthinkable.” This is why my colleagues and I created the Candeo online recovery training program—so that you could have a safe, anonymous place to come and get started on your recovery journey. In the Candeo program, we also provide you with a “program Coach”—a real human being who communicates with you anonymously through your own private message board.

So, what are you waiting for? We’re here, ready to help you begin the process of breaking free from your pornography and masturbation addiction. And as you begin experiencing recovery success, your confidence, self-esteem and courage will greatly increase. You will get to the place where you no longer desire to “go it alone”—you will begin to reach out and connect with people who care about you; people who will help you continually move forward in recovery and your overall success in life.

—————–

Candeo is Devoted to Helping Porn Addicts Start Down the Path of Healing

Candeo is an online organization whose mission is to educate and train individuals about the realistic, scientifically proven nature of Porn Addiction.

It is estimated that in the U.S. alone, there are more than 60 million individuals, including men, women and children, caught up in Internet Porn Addiction at some level. Pornography use is having a dramatic impact on their individual lives, families and society as a whole.

Candeo’s groundbreaking training system is an online Porn Addiction Psycho-Education & Training System. This website contains many resources to help you learn more about this exciting new approach to helping those who are Addicted to Pornography.

To learn more and sign up for a FREE sample mini-course click HERE.

32 Replies to How do you know if you’re addicted to porn?

  • fizzyice

    September 4, 2009 • 3:02 pm

    Thanks for the support. I’ve been looking for someone to guide me through the recovery process, and I’ve been alone trying to do it myself for so long now. Its a relief to have found your program. Thanks

    Reply

  • David

    September 4, 2009 • 7:39 pm

    I am male, 46, married 3 times. I was sexually abused by a supposed friend of the family at age 12. I began looking at porn at a young age. From age 14 to age 18 I went into adult book stores and viewed porn movies in the private booths there. I got oral sex from strangers there. Through all of my marriages my porn viewing on the net would morph into time browsing the sex classified ads and clandestine meetings with strangers; men, women, couples and transgendered. My porn use is not just dirty pictures and masturbation. I feel an overpowering need to do what i see for real with strangers. My current wife has no clue, and we have a great relationship of 13 years and are still best friends. I am madly and passionately in love with her. And yet I have cheated on her once or twice a year and sometimes more every year that we have been together. I could tell her about the porn and the masturbation. But the cheating is something that she can never know about. I can’t go to my church leaders about this. The last time I went to the church I was hounded to tell my wife and the marriage ended in a long and bitter divorce. I have decided that if my wife dies before I do then I will go to the church and tell all. Until then I continue to lie to my church leaders and this adds to the weight of my guilt. I am LDS by the way. And I am at my wits end.

    Reply

  • cj

    September 6, 2009 • 6:55 am

    This addict would like to know how a man exposed to porn early can take it or leave it alone. That’s how I know I am different.

    Reply

  • September 12, 2009 • 10:22 am

    David
    I truly respect your candid honesty. You are onthe right track. If your wife can support you in overcoming your porn addiction, take baby steps in confronting her about the rest. The more you lie, don’t tell her the whole truth- the harder it will be for both of you. Your not doing her a favor by keeping stuff from her- you’re being selfish and fearful- both part of the addiction.

    Reply

  • Tony

    October 22, 2009 • 10:55 am

    Denial is one thing i know i’m victim to. I know i have an obsession to look at porn, but to call myself an addict is another thing altogether. I am in fact an addict, and have been for many years only i merit this term upon myself as i read this article and ask myself the 10 questions.
    To come to this online community i no longer feel so alone in this endless struggle. I’m sure many people feel they are the only ones going through this vicious circle, as themselves and every man around them may also be going through it hides it so well. I certainly dont talk about my struggle to other guys (what if they aren’t or haven’t gone through the same, then im a pervert!)
    I hide porn so well, except every lie or dirty little secret is found out eventually and this is one thing i have learnt about porn addiction, you cannot really truly hide it. Many of my loved ones have stumbled on my secret and seen a problem with me, but are convinced that i can do it on my own, that i can simply ignore it and it will go away.
    I hate this addiction so much. On one hand i long to look at it and desire it, thinking about what i can look up on my next search, but on the other end of the cirlce i see my days slipping through my fingers, and my girlfriend saying that if she finds out 1 more time she will be at the end of her last straw. And yet i dont really care! its sick
    8 years of my life down the toilet is what i think to myself sometimes, it has robbed me of so much potential, career choices, travel, real friendships, comminication skills and long term goals…but there is hope, thankyou to the Candeo team. I look forward to starting this program and finding out what i can learn about myself, my body and my habits.

    Reply

  • fred

    February 21, 2010 • 7:04 pm

    Hey, what a great article. I’ve struggled with porn and masturbation for nearly 6 years and I was always left with feelings of intense shame and guilt. Candeo has opened my mind up to what pornography actually does to the human brain. I was wondering what the ‘Face it Replace’ technique meant.

    Reply

  • Christa

    February 21, 2010 • 9:50 pm

    In 12 years of marriage I can not remember a time that I have had intercourse with my husband that he has not had porn on. I just want to know if I am wrong for being angry over this or if he is an addict

    Reply

  • Brent

    April 14, 2010 • 8:06 pm

    Well I just stumbled on to this site today through a Google search because I now believe I have a problem with porn addiction. I was molested at a young age by my female babysitter. She would (among other things) find my Dad’s Playboys and show them to me. After that, I have always loved to look through skin mags and I remember being excited when I finally turned 18 so I could buy them on my own. As an adult since around 1997 I discovered the world of free internet porn sites. It has been very much under control since then, until recently. Due to financial reasons my family had to remove our internet service. I found myself spending many hours looking through the On Demand free movie lists looking for old T&A movies. I also spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I could buy magazines and DVDs without my wife knowing. The up-side to not having the internet was that our sex life improved a lot. I found that I was able to focus my (now more healthy) desires on making love to my wife and not feeling shame or guilt. But I was still hounded by this intense drive for porn at times. I told my wife before we dumped the internet service that I had stopped looking at porn, that was a lie. Now we have a new computer and the internet again. My interest in her has dropped almost completely for the past couple of months and I’m still keeping it a secret from her. I don’t need it every day, but I feel like this will always be with me and I’m now seeing how it affects me. Not having access to the internet for a while and then getting it again was a huge wake up call for me! I found out finally without a doubt how it affects my life and my relationship with intimacy. I’m eager to start this program and I’m going to tell my wife about it tonight.
    Thank You!

    Reply

  • Karen

    May 25, 2010 • 11:20 pm

    I recently found out that my husband has been viewing porn for two years or more. He said that he was not addicted to porn, that he would watch a few borrowed videos every few weeks to a few months. He told me that he doesn’t get any rush out of viewing porn, he was just looking for ideas to improve our sex life. I noticed that about two years ago, he started to become very critical of me and always looked at what he didn’t have in our marriage. Our relationship took a very sharp plummet and now it is only hanging on by a thread. Would you say he is a porn addict?

    Reply

  • Mary

    June 17, 2010 • 2:22 pm

    My husband has had an addiction to porn from the day I met him…but didnt realize it was an addiction. 10 years later I am looking to divorce him after many failed attempts at him becoming clean. He is in such denial when I find out that he has been spending money or looking at free stuff on the internet. he was my sole mate and now I feel I need to let him go because it has got to the stage where being with him is no longer helping either of us. Any body got similar experiences?

    Reply

  • Joseph

    June 18, 2010 • 12:26 pm

    Wow David — thanks for your post. Good luck!

    Reply

  • Kabelo

    June 18, 2010 • 1:27 pm

    It was until a month ago i decided to finally quit porn after almost 8years of strait addiction to porn and masturbation thanx to this program because there was no one to turn to while all my relations and decisions where wrong just because of this addiction now that my mindset has changed towards porn I suggest that I’ll soon be free

    Reply

  • Ed

    June 18, 2010 • 3:54 pm

    There is always hope. No matter how deep into an addiction you think you are, you can always break out of it. I had a deep porn addiction for 7 years and now I’m well on the way to being free. That is the truth. Change is consistent daily practice. Half the battle is recognizing you have an addiction and realizing that you are not alone, and you don’t have to do it alone, and getting people to help you.

    Reply

  • Dar

    June 18, 2010 • 4:43 pm

    David

    I am a believer as well , and have I found that sometimes the Church can be extreamly unwise in their approach to peoples challenges and I have come to realize that people cannot keep confidence. Your heart is what is important time will heal all wounds, But I do agree your first step is to tell your wife and ask for her help I also have a problem and told my wife to which she laughed at first as she could see the guilt and fear I had. Next would be try to get a software that will prevent you from accessing porn, Then replace that time with the Word of God you need to saturate yourself with Gods thoughts and the Fleshly thoughts will eventually disappear , courses like candeo will be a major help as it is another step into moving forward. You see David God has a major purpose for your life you need to spend more time with Him morning and night this will force the devil and your flesh to become very loud and start giving you sexual thoughts when that happens to me I turn off my computer and start worship him and thank him for freeing me. It is a long road but you will be a new man. Please be careful who you decide to confide in your Church some people just want to show how holy they are without seeing your true heart. In regards to you cheating the enemy knows you are weak and will keep puting these desires in your head this exactly how all sin starts even the extreme of high crimes start this way. the first thing I believe you shoud do here is end all relationships outside of your marriage change your numbers and cut your ties completely if you truely love your wife. Again I say God Loves YOU! He will help you through this read these scriptures aloud seven times each three times per day Phil 2:4 Phil 4:13 Prov 3:4 1Cor13 & Eph 3:14-20 once you understand how much Jesus really loves you , you will surely change.

    Reply

  • Wholearmor

    June 19, 2010 • 8:53 am

    That is so true-and I can relate.
    My “turning point” was when my pornography use was discovered by my wife, and she asked me to leave my home. My only option for coming back was to become 100% devoted to recovery. She was 100% ready to walk away and not not put up with my infidelity. On the flip side, she was also devoted to walking with me through the recovery process if that was what I chose. It was literally my marriage and family or my pornography use. Fortunately I chose wisely and and can now count my success in years, and our marriage is better than it ever was before. If you are struggling, help is available, and it is possible to overcome, but by no means easy. Get the help, make your marriage the priority!

    Reply

  • Mark

    June 20, 2010 • 2:42 am

    I have a very beautiful fiancee we want to get married October 17th 2010 I have been addicted to lust for the past 30 years this has manifested in my life in various ways. Masturbation as a teenager, promiscuity as a university student, I got born again one month before marriage to a violent, man hater. I was disabled thru a head injury as a result of a fight with my wife, ended up getting pushed over into a door post. Phone sex as a lonely married man which resulted in my wife getting me kicked out of my home, then came internet pornography.basically 10 years of my life were lost to it. I am still struggling with it tho the amount of time wasted with it has decreased still the guilt n shame stop me from walking in the boldness and healing power of God that I know is mine. I have vowed to walk for 40 consecutive days in purity not giving into the temptation to lust at the end of 40 days. I believe 3 things are going to happen. 1. the power of lust will be smashed foreva in my life which will result in a much greater intimacy with my relationship with God. 2. my physical healing will manifest 3. I will be ready for marriage to my sweetheart. If u would like to help me in this vow would be great yours sincerely Mark

    Reply

  • alex turner

    June 22, 2010 • 2:48 pm

    One of the worst things in porn addiction is losing the ability to trust yourself.This can lead to a downward spiral of anxiety.I found by taking some time out to read some advice on the internet with a particular focus on an area you are dealing with, such as coping with stress, slowly you can rebuild the trust in yourself and make yourself less likely to relapse the next time you meet such a situation.I really like the candeo lessons they are ethical without being dogmatic and also genuinely intelligent and sensitive.

    Reply

  • Katie

    June 26, 2010 • 12:54 am

    In my relationship, it is totally opposite. I am the one with the addiction. I have masturbated since 7th grade when I stumbled on to it by accident. Then one of my friends introduced me to porn 4 years later. What really hurts is the fact that I am highly involved in my church. I teach the high school youth and recieved the Spirit of the Year Award when I was a senior. My boyfriend and I have been together for the past 2 and a half years and I can’t stop. He knows about it and does so himself but he isn’t addicted like me. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m being sucked in to a black hole and there is no light. I want to get better. I remember that one summer, I was able to kick the habit for three months by myself with no help. But i fell back in to the trap… What do I do now? Where do I go from here?

    Reply

  • Georgia

    June 30, 2010 • 1:14 pm

    I would like to sincerely ask all porn and sex addicts to please seek help, for your own well being. It consumes you completely and the person you really are starts to fade away. You miss out on life because of the addiction consuming so much of your time. And you can heal 100% from this but it will take your devotion and commitment.
    I ask this so sincerely because although I myself am not a porn addict or sex addict, nor do I judge any one who is but the contrast, I have compassion with people who have this addiction.
    I found out 2 days ago by pure coincidence that my boyfriend of 6 and a half years has this addiction. The hurt that I feel is undescribable and I would wish it on no one. I had absolutely not one inkling of this. It esculated to the point where he intended to see a prostitute. We had such a wonderful, happy relationship and this has come and caused so many problems and heartache. I feel betrayed to the highest extent.
    Please, for the sake of your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/family and most of all for yourself fight this addiction with all that you have, because it really does have a huge impact on you and the people you are in relationship with.
    Good luck and may you be blessed in overcoming your addiction.

    Reply

  • megan

    August 17, 2010 • 12:19 am

    This is an addiction like no other. It destroys dreams for a family and the relationship of those you love. I am glad this is here for those who want help. I have been in a relationship for 3 yrs with someone who has cheated, looks at porn constantly and hides it. It breaks my heart everytime I see the google search. When he drank I looked for hidden bottles now I look for internet searches. I overcame drugs and alcohol and neither was easy but it was destroying my life and now this is desroying my heart. At some point, a decision must be made and most likely it’s a decision to move on without him in my life. Good luck to all who want to make their lifes and relationships better!!

    Reply

  • Jeff K

    October 5, 2010 • 1:55 pm

    I want to be completely honest here in posting this comment as even if one life and soul is saved by my words it will mean something. Take pornography seriously as it can and will destroy everything in one’s life along with your personal relationships. Porno can cause serious mental changes in our brains (cognitive impairment). I am a porn addict ie. 30 years and has filled me with so many fantasy memories of all these images. I am about destitute from this. It can give you huge amounts of shame and guilt once you do come out of denial. Depression will and can overwhelm you. Please take it serious as I know it is true what the bible says in the book of Romans Chapter 1 and turn from this sin. Feed your soul with real love as this is what really matters when you look at our whole life.

    Reply

  • Gustavo

    December 8, 2010 • 9:49 pm

    I am only 12. I ran into the addiction by accident in 5th grade. I’ve tried and tried to stop. With just a touch of these few arcticles I have read has given me the confidence and hopefully the strength to quit. Now I sit here typing on a dsi browser hoping for a myracle.

    Reply

  • Sasha

    February 17, 2011 • 12:56 am

    My husband of 1 and half years is addicted to porn it has really utterly distroyed my faith in him I was sexually abused as a child and forced to watch this and he knew full well before even dating me how I felt about pornography. It has caused such hardship in our relationship and almost cost us our family. I love him so much but am having a really hard time accepting that he wants to look at another woman besides his wife I feel so betrayed and so unloved and so unattractive. He has told me so many times he stopped later to find out from his mouth that he never had. Just not sure what to do… I am willing to stick by him but I am not willing to be lied to anymore. Any suggestions?

    Reply

    • February 17, 2011 • 11:52 am

      Sasha,
      We know how much this addiction affects the spouse and have support features for spouses within our program and we are working hard to increase the support we provide for spouses. We have put together a series of podcasts for spouses. You can find it in the iTunes store with a search for Candeo or follow the link below:

      http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/candeo-podcast-for-women-its/id308361650

      All the best.

      Reply

  • jasmin B

    February 17, 2011 • 4:23 am

    I have been in a relationship for a year with a man who views porno on a regular basis. He told me at the start and I did express my disapproval but continued the relationship in hope that having a loving sex life & relationship with me would dissolve the issue. This was not the case. I found him to be cold and emotionally detached in the bedroom rather than loving and deep and I often wondered if this was because the porn mentality had permeated into our bedroom, viewing all those images with lack of sensuality and honor for women must have affect on the way the man perceive women generally.
    It porno women are objects of arousal for male ejaculation. That is there worth.That’s what it felt like in the bedroom the man. I tried to break through and connect on a deeper level but he couldn’t or wouldn’t go deeper. It makes me sad to know that men out there are depriving themselves of loving relationships with real women for porno madness. I think porno desensitizes the user affects attitudes in real life relationships.

    Reply

    • February 17, 2011 • 11:49 am

      jasmin B,
      We see a lot of spouses looking for help and know that a lot of times this takes just as much if not more out of the spouse as the addict themselves. Our program does have support for spouses and we are working hard to increase that support, education, and training within the program. We have also put together a series of podcasts for spouses, you can find it on the iTunes store with a search for Candeo or follow the link below:

      http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/candeo-podcast-for-women-its/id308361650

      Reply

  • Regina

    February 17, 2011 • 4:57 pm

    So my husband stays with porn and doesn’t believe he has an addiction so i sent him this web site. So because of he pretends that its gone for good and i keep finding it I have found myself cheating to get the security I don’t have with my husband and since his found out and i told the truth about my actions he says that he has porn cause he do not trust me but the porn stays there regaurdless if i’m good or not:(

    Reply

  • Lee

    February 22, 2011 • 10:30 pm

    I am a 43 year old male and I have been seriously addicted to porn. I first started looking at it when I was about 12 years old. It escalated from magazines (Hustlers mags) to VHS movies, to DVD’s , to cd roms, and now since 1996 the internet… I can say that I have probably viewed thousands upon thousands of porn clips in all categories for years. I am a family man with a wife and kids…. I once saw my dad hide porn movies and that sin carried over to me….The only thing is that I am 100times more addicted than my dad because he rented vhs movies…I have the internet which a million times more tempting. I too hide porn and have done so many things to fool my wife…She did discover it and it is true , you can’t HIDE it…As the bible says, be sure you’re sins will find you out… I can hide it from everybody, but the good Lord knows it’s there and it’s not really hidden….I feel good confessing this sin because it has destroyed my life….I have never tried to talk to people because of the shame involved… It is true, porn starts out as an innocent issue and becomes harder to manage….You are consumed by your own lust and it only wants you to feed it more and more…. It kills me to know that I spend hours upon hours viewing this material when I could be making memories with family… As for my wife knowing…she warned me to stop or she would divorce me….I have yet to stop and I can’t…The internet has given me the ability to download movies, hide them and even go portable for smart phone devices….I feel physically destroyed and feel I have destroyed my family…..because of my addiction to porn….. I am not sure how to stop….but I am trying. I have destroyed the files only to re-downlaod them a million times more…. I truly love my wife but thoughts of sleeping with other women are always in my mind…I feel that porn has totally twisted my mind….My addiction is so worse that I have a 300 gig hard drive i use to store movies and I keep storing them….I pray that I can rid myself of this beast…I fear my kids will follow my path if I don’t stop now…..Again…I have been addicted from 12 to 43….You can see that I am severely addicted….but I cant go more than a week w.o looking at it…. I am reviewing articles like these to help me get away from it…I know I will eventually need to get help…it’s just a matter of when…

    Reply

    • Brad

      February 23, 2011 • 12:00 pm

      Lee,
      I’ve been at this for many years. I am also a student with Candeo. Been one for over 2 years now. The answers ARE here.
      Let me share some observations from someone who “waited” until he finally did lose everything.
      1. Your porn problem is similar to every student who is part of Candeo.
      2. Of course we “feel good confessing.” It’s just like our addiction. It’s all about doing whatever it takes to make us feel good. Even if it means lying to others, and in this case to ourselves. What real “good” is the confession if all we do is “read a few articles like these?”
      3. It “kills me” me to know ……It doesn’t kill you, Lee. It just “feels good” to say it. You’re not really serious about getting serious about changing.
      4. “She warned me to stop or she would divorce me . . . ” Isn’t that enough to motivate you to at least see what’s inside? Geez, Lee, you get a 30 day free look.
      5. “I feel physically destroyed and feel I have destroyed my family.” You haven’t yet, but looks like you’re well on your way.
      6. “I AM NOT SURE HOW TO STOP . . . BUT I AM TRYING?” Lee, can I respectfully give you a heads up? You’ve just described how an addict has a little switchblade in his hand, with a blindfold on, trying to fight a Jedi knight with a light sabre. You’ve just been led to a resource which has had phenomenal success in helping men and women overcome this addiction and WIN the battle you describe. And after describing the literal hell you say you are experiencing, the best you can come up with to conclude is “I am reviewing articles like these to help me get away from it? I know I will EVENTUALLY NEED TO GET HELP? It’s just a matter of when?” Forgive me, Lee, for feeling a little worked up because I’m reading what I would have written at age 43. I wish someone would have come along, grabbed me by the lapels and shaken me so hard until I could finally awake out of the deep sleep of denial this disease seems to create. While I’m sorry for you, Lee, I’m even sorrier for your wife and kids who are the innocent victims. It is their tender hearts that are or will be broken and devastated, while we, addicts simply continue our runaway addiction until “EVENTUALLY” we finally do something about it. Usually after the wife and kids have left us, because we can only hide this life from them for so long.
      Best friends tell their best friends the “TRUTH.” I hope you won’t mind my directness and assertiveness. You probably don’t have any close friends that are even aware of your struggle. Since you made me aware, I hope you won’t mind me speaking as a best friend would, were they aware of your predicament. As I said, I wish someone would have come along and told me what I have told you, 20 years ago. Here’s the good news, Lee: the principles here have transformed my life. I have been both clean and sober from porn’s grasp for many years because of the principles taught here. I can only assure you that if you’ll give it your best effort you’ll have a new life you NEVER could have imagined possible. Especially on days like yesterday, when you felt compelled to write this. Sadly, what I’ve learned in recovery is that “you can’t MAKE others change. Only THEY can help themselves change.” I always hope that maybe, something I say might at least lead someone to “Try” because like the old commercial that said “Try it, you’ll like it,” I am absolutely certain you will “like it,” if you “Try it.” God Bless you friend. I hope you can have your eyes opened and find a real “Sense of Urgency” about your addiction. Seems like you see that it’s “important,” to get help, but not important enough. When that changes, I’ll look forward to visiting with you more inside, in the forum.

      Reply

  • Kim

    May 28, 2011 • 6:44 pm

    Im 15. And i dont know if im addicted. When i was 13 all the way to 14 i lived with a man who was with my mom and wanted to touch me and would put pornagraphy on the tv so i could see it. I told my mom about it but she loved him so my dad took me in. And now i have a boyfriend whos 16 and ever since he’s fingered me i cant stop watching pornagraphy not constantly but almost everyday.

    Reply

  • Drew

    September 13, 2011 • 2:04 am

    I first was exposed to porn at around 12.. after that day i remember always wanting more and more. I am 19 and i always find myself at 4 or 5am watching it and being pissed off at myself.. i hate myself for this. i have tried quitting many many many times, saying to myself, “okay, that was the last time” and a day later there i go again. This stupid addiction of mine has caused me to lie to my girlfriend who i love so much. (she has no clue that im addicted to porn). i cant tell my family or my friends i just dont them to be hurt. i fear for my future, i see from other peoples addictions that it has ruined there marriages, i cant let that happen. I stopped watching porn about 30min ago.. i really want that to be the last time.. i really really do. i need help

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  • Maddy

    January 20, 2012 • 7:04 pm

    I used to watch porn, but then i told myself that i need to quit, because it is interfering with my schoolwork.
    so now i have been sober since end of October 2011! I am proud, but i still think about it occaisionally, so i am stern with myself and refuse to surrender!

    Reply

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