I Miss My Dad
I loved my Dad. He was my hero. My Pal. I admired and respected him. He was the ultimate family man. As a family we loved him and he loved us. I grew up in Rexburg Idaho. On a beautiful clear morning on June 5, 1976 I heard on the radio that the Teton Dam had broken and a tidal wave of water was rushing towards our quiet little town. We fled to a hill that overlooked the valley to watch as we lost everything we owned. Later, as we worked hard to dig what was left of our house out of the mud and debris we could see my dad wasn’t feeling well. We thought it was the stress of having lost a lifetime of work. However, one month after the flood my Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and one month later he died. He had stopped smoking 15 years earlier. It was the most difficult thing he had ever done. Tobacco killed my Dad. I hate tobacco. There is only one purpose for cigarettes — to regulate the amount of nicotine in an addict’s bloodstream. People who sell tobacco do so for money at the expense of many lives; the lives of the addicts themselves, but also the lives of the ones they love most.
Pornography and sexual addiction are just as damaging as tobacco. Pornography is insidious — proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects. When people are addicted to pornography it infiltrates their lives and leaves a shell of a human being left. People who are addicted to pornography lose their motivation, time, self-respect, joy of living, connection with others, and free will. They have to sneak to hide their activity in isolation. They become depressed and anxious, irritable and withdrawn. They eventually become out-of-control, but can’t really tell anyone. They hate pornography and themselves, but as often as they try to quit they often fail, thereby increasing their desperation.
I remember the account of a fourteen year old daughter and her friend walking in on her dad viewing pornography. She was horrified, embarrassed, ashamed and disgusted. Her friend never came over again; her mother wouldn’t let her. This fourteen year old daughter asked her mother, “Those girls that Dad was looking at weren’t much older than me! Does Dad look at me like that?” Their relationship has never been the same; it has been two and a half years.
Countless marriages have been destroyed because of pornography. Families have been torn apart and children deprived of the stability of a two-parent home. Immeasurable pain, guilt and suffering have occurred. I have seen the effects on families who are left when a father or brother have committed suicide because they can no longer carry the burden of a pornography addiction.
I am a Psychologist and I know better than to blame the addict, who is a victim along with their family. I hate pornography! I hate tobacco! My Dad died abruptly, but with dignity and honor. Pornography is worse. It is easy to understand a tobacco addiction; it is difficult for loved ones to understand a sexual addiction. It is insidious. It is devastating. It takes away someone we love.
Heather B.
October 12, 2009 • 6:24 am
I am the daughter of a porn addict. My mom was suspicious of my dad’s activites online so she place spyware on the computer, however she is not computer savvy, so she had me look at what he had done, I wish I would not have done that..I found that my dad was watching stag films in which women were being treated as furniture, whore being written on their bodies, then finding personal pictures of himself and my mother that he was selling online and placing on many different websites for guys to “use” and tell him about later pretending to be my mother in IM’s saying that she “likes when men use and abuse her” I could go on and on..He came here to this site, then decided not to use the program, for 2 1/2 years I have been put in the middle of this I was busy with my kids, school I am a single mom so when dad would come over to “vent” saying he wanted to “use” again or that he has not masterbated in a few weeks or that him and mom had not had sex in 2 years, did not really get to me at the time, as I was going 7 days a week. Well, I graduated from school, sold my house (that he only lived 6 houses away from) moved to the other side of the state with my mom (they plan on divorcing after 46 years of marriage) and have a great job, but I am not as busy as i used to be. So, the images, words that he has said and wanted me to “keep to myself” where he would talk about how “bad”my mom was and how she drove him to do this and someday he will take me out and we will “talk” about who my mom “really” is! He will not get that chance for I have had to cut all communication off from him, he would not respect my boundires that i needed time to get my feelings out, I am SOOOO ANGRY and hurt I cannot get these images out of my head, I am numb and so deppressed..I am a go getter, focus on the soultion not the problem type person who now does not even want to get out of bed..And looks at every guy like he thinks like my dad.
.My dad will pay for counsling as him nor my mom want to hear my feelings as it “makes them feel bad” GOD forbid we would not want to make them feel any worse now would we?? But I am torn apart inside, and the people that I was there for in there time of need don;t want to hear me out..and that has torn me apart, because i have heard and seen things a daughter even at 37 should not see or know about her parents, at the time I thought i was doing the right thing being there for them, I was just enabling them now they have to stand alone in this, just as I have too..I have GOD and my girls, I will get through this and hopefully have a realtionship before it is too late..Thanks so much for letting me get this off my chest, I just dont know what else to do? I am broken and there is not enough super glue in the world to fix this..
Edin
June 9, 2010 • 2:46 am
I really enjoy reading your texts Dr. Hyde. They are great. I have been reading them for a while along with Mark Castleman’s and Dr. Christensen’s texts and I can tell that all of you, without any exaggeration are transforming people’s lives. I feel tremendous relief. It’s much more easier to me to resist masturbation and looking at pornography when I read texts and listen to podcast from Candeo. I feel that my consciousness has been changing. Guys, you don’t deal only with pornography, you deal with life itself. You change people’s hearts and minds. You guys from Candeo are like Anthony Robbins or other great motivators
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