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Last night I went to a club with mates, my girlfriend is away and I would normally be running around trying to pick up girls, texting old flames etc. I had fun AND I had no desire to sleep with women. Thanks Candeo for this gift.
My head’s in a really good place—thoughts of women pop into my mind, but are easily passed over now, all I have to do is use the Candeo tools and it works. At first it seemed too simple, but I’m amazed. I’m even in a relationship and it’s 500% better than any in the past.
Sex addiction can have many sources. For some it begins innocently enough in the natural experimentation and exploration that comes with maturing sexually throughout life. Others may have more traumatic experiences that have been a factor. As a rule, sexual thoughts and desires are very normal and natural. It’s only when these thoughts and desires become exaggerated that they turn destructive.
Understanding this process of exaggeration is critical to effective change. It is a brain-based process and it is the same for everybody.
“It’s like it was another me…”
We all have experiences of feeling a bit disconnected from what our body is doing. We’re busy thinking about something else and suddenly realize we’ve reached our destination, unsure of how exactly we got there. Or after reorganizing our bedroom, we still unconsciously reach for an item that we moved to another drawer weeks ago.
While certainly more severe, addiction is a very similar process. In an attempt to find ways of coping with the difficulties of life, a sexual outlet can bring relief and distraction – at least for a while. As you continually turn to this outlet for release, the brain takes over and turns it into a habit – an automatic way of dealing with common situations.
You might see an attractive individual and the urge hits you. Or late at night, when you’re lying in your bed trying to relax, desires to engage in a sexual encounter wedge their way into your mind. As these behaviors become destructive, your efforts to be rid of them can leave you feeling like there’s another you that you just can’t seem to control.
Sexual encounters are particularly powerful habits because they trigger intense emotional, biological and chemical responses throughout the brain and body. But at their core, these changes in your brain look remarkably like the changes in brain systems for other kinds of habits. What this means is that sex addiction is about a lot more than just “sex.” You know this if just moments after your latest encounter you immediately begin thinking about the next one.
“I tried fighting it on my own. I tried reading books and purchasing programs, but I continued breaking my promises.”
Promises don’t make habits and addictions go away. The part of your brain that automatically executes habitual behaviors is not the same as the part that processes your thoughts. An entire world of information will do nothing on its own to help you break free. If it would, all of the research you’ve done up to this point would have made you better.
There’s Something Different About This Program
If you keep trying to break free from unwanted sexual behaviors, and you keep failing, it’s not because you’re a freak, a loser or a lost cause. There’s a logical Brain Science behind your behaviors. Until now, neuroscientists have been focusing on cognitive (or thinking) processes. But the latest research is painting an incredible picture of all of the activity taking place below thought and beyond behavior.
There are a lot of amazing programs, based on a lot of amazing insights and principles. (There’s a lot of free, and unfortunately, bad information out there too.) But the science is telling us that a new approach targeting the habit and addiction brain system is needed, and more importantly, that you can’t adequately target them through words and training alone.
A Behavioral Change Technology
No one is denying that the traditional approaches of the past have been of great benefit to society. A wealth of tools and techniques have been discovered and tested over the years. However, most of these beneficial discoveries are difficult to get access to and if you do have access to them, there is no way to apply it all so that it interfaces with the habitual part of the brain to break the hold your unwanted behavior has over you.
That’s why we created Candeo. We knew that something other than more content and information was needed. While we try to deliver the best content available (you can bring your own favorite set of content with you too), the real focus is on the details that drive habit change. As you work with the Candeo System over time, your urges will become weaker and weaker and you will begin to regain control over your behaviors. With enough time you’ll even start developing healthy habits that require less and less of your effort to act on.
Taking the Guesswork Out of Recovery
A lot of people struggle to know whether they’re actually making any changes. Sometimes they see some initial successes but they’re unable to maintain these long-term. Or for others they have a hard time telling whether the program is working for them or how long they should stick it out before trying something else. An advantage of taking the change process online is that we can deploy scientifically validated assessments that measure the change variables that matter most.
Through research and field testing, we have identified 10 categories of change variables. Once you begin the program you will take a baseline assessment. You will repeat this assessment again half way through the program and then at the end of the program. You will be able to see how much progress you are making and in which categories. Recovery is not an on-off process where one day you’re suffering and the next day you’re all better. It takes time for brain circuitry to change its structure. But because you can’t see these changes, the assessments help to take the guesswork out of identifying your areas of strength and progress. The system will also help you leverage areas of rapid improvement to support other areas where you’re struggling more – it’s completely tailored to you.
Get Ready, Get Set…
There is a way out. It’s not by sheer willpower. It’s not by amassing more information. It’s by working with your brain to change its destructive tendencies one day at a time, so you can get your life back.
Candeo taught me how to direct my sexual energies to a healthy relationship with my wife and I started to regain my drive and become fully functional with her. I figured out that I could literally rewire my sexual circuitry.
I’ve never felt more empowered—I feel like my brain is rewired and that’s what Candeo really puts focus on—the brain science and understanding how I got into my behaviors and how to change them.
If you’re struggling with porn, you’ve probably tried to stop countless times, only to fall right back into the same old habits. Why? It’s not because you’re weak, flawed or a lost cause. There’s a logical Brain Science explanation behind your struggles.
Porn use triggers a powerful neurochemical release in the brain. Over time, you develop a literal “chemical dependency”—very similar to the dependency triggered by street drug use. The only difference is that pornography is easily available, you’re your own drug dealer and much of the time it’s free. These factors all combine to make it a very difficult behavior to overcome.
Subtle Changes in Your Brain
In addition to the powerful drug-like neurochemical release, your brain also begins to restructure itself to view pornography as a way to cope with stress. Typically, men (and increasing numbers of women) first encounter pornography between the ages of 9 and 12 before any sophisticated defense mechanisms are in place. It feels harmless at first. But over time the brain learns to habitually turn to pornography to get a release, get a rush or escape. This moves the urges to deeper brain structures where habits and addictions are automatically acted out.
This part of the brain, however, is not the same part of the brain that processes thought. This can make breaking free of the behavior very difficult and frustrating. People tell us we should stop. Or our own experience tells us that the behavior is getting out of control. But once we try to step in and stop it our brain seems to have a mind of its own. We promise ourselves we’ll never do it again, only to give in despite our best efforts.
Targeting the Right Part of the Brain
A lot of change efforts are directed at the brain that processes thoughts. But this isn’t where the problem is. While the right kinds of thoughts are important, “neuro-translation” is needed for these thoughts to effectively change what’s happening in the habit part of the brain. In fact, focusing on the wrong part of the brain through clenching your fists, making promises to yourself or trying to hold on for dear life only makes the problem worse.
There are a lot of services that offer information about addiction and recovery. Some of it is great. Some of it less so. But no amount of information, no matter how good it is, can accomplish huge changes in behavior because most of our daily behaviors are habitual. Maybe this is why so many believe that “people never change.”
A Better Change Process
So if good information and proven techniques alone are not the answer, what else is needed?
We know that “just trying harder” and “more willpower” is not the way. Though common, this is the worst advice there is. You’ve got to learn how to work with your brain instead of fighting against it. But working with your brain takes time and it takes new tools to focus your efforts on the part of your brain causing the problem.
It’s a relief for people when they realize that they don’t have to conquer the entire behavior in one day. You can wear away at your behavior each day and consistently move towards the life you want. An advantage of delivering the right content and the right tools online is that structures can be put into place that work with the habitual part of the brain for long-term effective change. This is a new insight and a new opportunity.
Chart Your Course to Better Living
Moving past pornography is a challenge. If computers are a main source of pornography for you, an online program is a great replacement. You can begin to train your brain to see the computer as a source of healing, as opposed to a source of temptation. Gradually, as you learn proven techniques and as the system supports the necessary habit change, progress will be yours.
If you have tried other programs in the past and had a hard time determining whether or not you were making progress, scientifically validated assessments are provided. As you begin the program you will take a baseline assessment. Then half way through you will take another one and one again at the conclusion of the program. You will track the 10 categories that matter most and this data is available to you throughout the process. You will be able to see every step of the way where you are making progress and where you can leverage this progress in attacking categories that are more difficult for you.
You will literally be able to watch yourself break free, there won’t be any guesswork about your progress – it’s available for you to view online, anytime. If there’s content from another program that you liked, feel free to use the system’s tools and assessments to help you apply it and measure its effects.
There’s a New Opportunity for Recovery
Everything you need to break free from porn is already built into the very structure of your brain—the same type of brain process that got you into this, will get you out.
Watch 3 Keys to Breaking Free »
Starting Candeo was initially my way of figuring out what was going on with my masturbation habit. I learned the brain science of how I had developed the habit and why it was difficult to stop. Then I learned how to re-train my brain and how to stop and regain control and manage my stress in ways that worked better for me.
I never thought I could ever break out of this crazy masturbation habit, but with the candeo tools and training I’m actually doing it. It just has less and less power over me, it’s like I’m finally getting my life back.
If you keep trying to break free from masturbation, but find yourself falling back again and again, this doesn’t mean you’re weak, worthless or a pervert. There’s a logical Brain Science behind your behavior. Here are some key points you need to know—
Your physical brain circuitry is literally moldable and changeable. In other words, you’re not stuck with your old masturbation habits!
Through the Candeo Program, you’ll learn the Brain Science of Change and the specific steps necessary to break free from your masturbation addiction.
Watch 3 Keys to Breaking Free »
I could just never stay in a relationship for more than a few months, the newness and excitement would wear off and I would be off looking for the next conquest. Candeo taught me about the causes of my behaviors and how to really connect with others and building something that lasts.
Through the Candeo training I’ve started to explore new ways of developing real relationships and gaining social confidence with real people, instead of hopping from one shallow hookup to the next.
In the Candeo program, we help the “romance junkie” or “relationship hopper”—individuals who compulsively jump from one infatuated relationship to another.
This type of love addiction can have a sexual component, but it’s more a matter of being addicted to the first exciting part of falling in love—the initial “creation” of a relationship. It’s usually all about “the chase.”
In the initial stages of romance, the brain releases a tidal wave of powerful neuro-chemicals like adrenaline, oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins. This intense rush can quickly become a “drug-of-choice” for self-medication and escape from the stress and pressures of life.
A literal “chemical dependency” develops in the brain—virtually identical to what we see with drug addiction. When the newness and excitement of the relationship begins to wear off, the love addict moves on in pursuit of the next rush.
The Candeo Healthy Sexuality program is a Brain Science approach to freedom from this type of love addiction. Candeo can help you learn how to truly connect with others in highly meaningful and lasting ways. Holistic human intimacy can replace the temporary brain-chemical-rush of “relationship-hopping.”
