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Written by Candeo on January 15, 2010 in Brain Science of Addiction, Masturbation Addiction, Most Popular - 20 Comments
Some neighbor kids shared some of their Dad’s porn stash with me. I was only about 14 years old. Of course I liked it. We giggled, we bragged about it and before long I couldn’t stop looking at it. I never, ever imagined it would become addicting. That thought never crossed my mind.
This story gets repeated dozens of times a day as we talk with people about overcoming their pornography addiction. But people are finding a way to stop. It is possible.
The best way to talk about “quitting” is to talk about “starting.” It’s like drinking alcohol. No one sets out to become an alcoholic. For some it’s a social thing. For others it becomes addicting. Everyone’s different.
So, will looking at porn create an addiction? The best answer is: you never know. In many, many cases it does become addictive. It’s like playing with fire.
With one student it did virtually ruin his life. And he didn’t know it was happening. He wasn’t immediately addicted but it did become a problem over time. According to him it became a 25-year problem.
I’m not kidding, porn nearly ruined my life. My first wife divorced me and I’m hanging on to my 2nd marriage. I love her and she still loves me but I haven’t been able to control my urges.
A ruined marriage was just the beginning. And it ruined many other parts of his life. This individual was unemployed for months, and years on end. He would stay up all night viewing pornographic materials and then couldn’t stay awake at work. His habit started out with magazines and videos and then led to online use.
When we first got the Internet it was a dream come true. No more brown bags at the 7-11 store to hide my porn. Man it was slick.
Then there’s the cost. His wife caught him when their credit cards were maxed out and they had more than $15,000 in charges. The interest alone was killing them. No job, no income and the bills started piling up.
But the porn use didn’t stop. In fact, it accelerated.
I couldn’t afford to download movies and other images any more but you’d be amazed how much free porn you can find. I won’t tell you how I did it but I could pretty much spend hours bouncing around to the free sites. If you want it bad enough you can get it and I was pretty crazy. The internet made it all 10 times easier than it had been for my first 10 or so years.
Then he couldn’t get a new job. No one would hire him because he had been fired for viewing porn sites at work. No credit, no income and he started living in an abandoned shack, without heat or water. That’s probably pretty close to a life being ruined, wouldn’t you say?
Even at the bottom of the well I couldn’t stop. Living in the shack I thought it couldn’t get much worse, but it just kept going down and down and down. I never really did come to my senses. In fact the harder I tried to stop, the more I wanted it. It’s crazy. It’s completely insane.
Then his wife gave him the ultimatum. For the first time he really wanted to quit. He really wanted to live again. Together they found the Candeo web site. They were reluctant at first so they signed up for the mini-courses and began to digest the information, a little bit here, a little bit there. First they began to feed on it. Then they began feasting on it. They became students, spoke regularly with a coach and found out there is a way to stop. The Candeo program taught them that the answer isn’t running away from the problem.
There’s a technique in the classes called Face It and Replace it. I’m doing it. I’m making progress and it feels great. My wife and I are close and she’s been a real support. We understand the problem now and we’re dealing with it. I’ve got a long way to go, but I was able to stop watching porn. I know there are people who’ve tried many times and failed. This is actually my first time. For years and years I didn’t realize what was happening to me. I didn’t try to stop because I didn’t want to. I was pretty much consumed by it all.
I saved my marriage and my job. The mini courses from Candeo helped me understand what happened to me and it gave me the sense that I could change. The courses are easy for me to understand. There’s no tests or anything too hard, just good solid information. It feels like the Candeo program is talking right to me.
So what’s the best way to stop looking at porn? One answer is to never start. But if you (or someone you love and care for) have an addiction and feel like your life is “ruined,” there is help. If you think you have a problem, there is a way to stop.
Candeo is a revolutionary new program that teaches and trains students about the nature of their pornography addiction and their masturbation addiction, and how to overcome it. Anonymous, private, safe, and completely accessible through our online portal–the Candeo Personal Learning System takes you through a step-by-step process to rewire your brain and shed your habits of the past, free from the awful confines of a masturbation addiction.
Learn what Candeo can do for you by subscribing to our free Mini-Course. All we need is your name and email address, which we keep completely confidential. The Mini-Course will give you a glimpse into the full Candeo Program, which can change your life and put you on the path to a masturbation and porn-free life. Don’t wait, do it now. Only you can decide to enter the path that will set you on the course to freedom from pornography and masturbation addiction.
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Stevo
July 23, 2010 • 10:31 pm
Please help me. I may have lost my long term partner because of this addiction.
Anon
August 6, 2010 • 11:17 am
@Stevo
Try enrolling yourself in the mini-course, read the blog articles and listen to the podcasts.
Just take a step and believe that you still can be free from this addiction.
I’ll be praying for you…
john
August 31, 2010 • 8:19 am
thought the internet was my dream come true,could watch unlimted porn 24/7 never having to watch same movie twice,little did i know it would virtualy take over every waking moment,the “beuty”of it all it did not cost me zilch in monotary terms,but now its a different story,wish i nevered heard of internet
queen
October 21, 2010 • 7:25 pm
i left my boyfriend because of his addiction. i love him so much and i know he loves me, too. but he’s way too involved in his addiction. i can’t take it so i had to leave. i’ve seen all the symptoms described in the podcasts in camdeo. i pity him but i had to save myself.
guys, please start with your healing process before you lose everything dear to you. you deserve to live your life to the fullest.
Grant
October 22, 2010 • 6:18 am
I installed Blue Coat K9 Internet filter for free on my PC (and asked my wife to set the password), but I don’t think it’s possible to filter the Internet on my mobile… Maybe I should just disable the Internet or buy a handset which just sends and receives voice calls and SMSs only?
Ricky
November 3, 2010 • 3:07 pm
I’m only 13 and I’m trying to stop it’s ruining everything I used to be a A+ student and now I’m a c I can’t believe it I’ve been trying to figure out why this seems to be the only explanation i have any info would be great I’m afraid to tell my parents cause they would be totally pissed i want the hundreds of hours I spent on porn of my life back so hard though I wish I could brain wash myself unfortunately I can’t just take a pill email me please I need info help whatever I can get my hands on.
David
November 4, 2010 • 12:24 pm
@Grant
K9 Internet Protection was on my computer for about a year. It worked very well, actually, and I promote it for its ability to prevent addictions from forming. But I want to warn you of something you probably already know in your heart: What good does a shield in your hand do when the enemy is inside you? The Candeo program works from the inside out.
enyi
November 4, 2010 • 1:30 pm
My hurt me like hell i have been into it for 9 years .
Lynn
November 5, 2010 • 12:29 pm
Hi, I am a parent of a 15 yr old who has been through the Candeo Program. I’m impressed you realize this is a bad thing. Most people at your age, don’t connect this to the reason they are ruining their life. Porn is considered an exciting secret with minimal consequences for teens. You are incredible.
When I read your post to my son, his first comment was, ‘this kid is amazing. He is trying to find help on his own? His parents didn’t catch him? He wants something better? Boy, did he come to the right place! He rocks!
You need to get help. If not here, than somewhere. Get this under control now, so you don’t ruin the rest of your life. If you have spent hundreds of hours, you are most likely addicted. Candeo can help you, I haven’t found anything better. But you might have to disclose to your parents to sign up. This CAN turn out to be a good thing. I know when I found my son, I was hurt, I won’t lie, but thrilled that he wanted to stop. I wanted to help him, more than I was upset. You know your parents best, so you will need to decide that. Try talking about it in a general way, and break the ice. Do some research and learn more about this addiction. Then tell things you’ve learned about it, mention how much more common it is than you thought, etc, and test the waters. Create an environment where you can be open. You need them on your team if at all possible. I pray they are supportive.
It’s funny you mentioned you wish you could brain wash yourself. Candeo doesn’t brain wash you, but they can teach you what goes on in your brain, and how to change it. This is what makes it so your change is permanent. It’s the coolest thing ever – as my son would say.
I wish I could reach out and help you. This is a real concern, and you are doing a good thing to reach out to get some help. Don’t take it lightly, do something. You won’t regret it.
wife of addict
November 11, 2010 • 10:37 pm
My husband has a porn addiction. This is tearing our family up. I just found out he’s been looking at porn at work. I’m furious and sick to my stomach. I knew he struggles with this problem at home but we have a young child and since having her I became too ill to work. I’m at my wits end here. I’ve asked him to leave, this behaviour is too destructive. I’m not even too sure where to go for support for myself. I haven’t told anyone except my parents. This is humiliating and heartbreaking. I can’t fix him and I desperately want my family back. I’m scared what if he loses his job? I’m on chemo, if he loses his job, I’m screwed. I’m just so angry, where can I go for support for myself?
Anonymous
November 14, 2010 • 11:57 am
I have been struggling to fight my addiction for about a year now. And about a week ago i decided to take a new approach to quiting, my plan worked for a while… today I gave in to desire. So I came here, hoping that being outward will help. I’ll be posting my progress here. I think it will help me quit.
I need help with answering this temptation
November 17, 2010 • 12:00 pm
How to deal with the curiousity to know “what does a female breast feels like” without triggering OCD?
Is there a better way to fight the curiousity? All I know is that, this kind of curiousity is what led me to addiction, any help?
Frank
December 4, 2010 • 6:39 pm
What defines addicted ?
Mark Kastleman
December 5, 2010 • 2:31 pm
There are complex clinical definitions for addiction. The most simple and useful is this—”An unwanted behavior that is bringing negative consequences into your life, and you have repeatedly tried to stop, but you keep going back to it.” This is essentially the description of an “addiction.” There is a way out, and that is what the Candeo program is all about.
Rick
January 14, 2011 • 5:09 pm
I’d like to see Candeo providing a special program for teenagers that is free of charge (as long as they can prove their age) since so many of our youth are falling prey to porn and have to be helped. I was addicted the first time I laid eyes on a sex magazine in our house. I was 9… Now I’m 44 and wasted 1000′s of hours on it (viewing and masturbating on it). I myself will start this program and finally reclaim my life. Only after listening to all Marks podcast I finally realize what it did to my brain! No wonder it makes you ‘blind’. Good luck to all of us.
Heartbroken woman
March 10, 2011 • 3:34 am
I have been married for 14 years. My husband has gone back to porn on the internet so many times. Hurts too bad to work through it any more. Soon to be my ex. Together for 20 years, married after 6 years of dating and proceeded to have children after 5 years of marriage. We have 3 kids. I feel so sorry for them. No faith in him. Tried everything.
Brad
March 10, 2011 • 4:40 pm
I’ve been here for two years, heartbroken woman. This program works! I understand though. Little will change if he isn’t interested. Just wanted you to know that there are some phenomenal resources for women here. Saw a great link today on “what women can do.” Hope it’s Ok to post it here. http://studio5.ksl.com/?nid=54&sid=14487651. Hope he finds his way to this site. It will change his addiction, AND his outlook.
extremely discouraged
April 17, 2011 • 1:01 am
I am 25 years old and come July 12, may celebrate my 5th anniversary with my husband. For the past 5 years we’ve been going through a cycle–I find porn, he lies, apologizes, and promises not to do it anymore, repeat. I’ve prayed about this, tried to meet his needs, and thought things were better until I walked into the bathroom and saw that he’d been hiding his habit on his Iphone for late night sessions. I was petrified and hurt. I still am. After reading stories of women who have been married for 20 plus years living with this same problem, I feel like I better save what self esteem I have left, count my losses and get out while I’m young and pretty.
No one told me this is what marriage would be like.
MarkH
April 26, 2011 • 12:41 pm
Thanks for sharing and posting. We don’t treat the effects pornography addiction has on a spouse lightly at Candeo. We know that sometimes the spouse feels the negative effects more than the addict themselves. Our program does have spouse support and training to help you through the effects of the behavior as well. We have put together a series of podcasts for women, hope they help answer some of your questions:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/candeo-podcast-for-women-its/id308361650
reatus teus
July 9, 2011 • 5:39 pm
i killed my marriage, i’m trying to get help, but help isn’t immediate, i saw counselor & i will see him again, but until then i am very angry & hurt and going bannanas right now, and funny how porn is soo much more accessible than help, plus it ‘s free, help isn’t.