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This is the Official Podcast from Candeo. The Answer For Your Porn Addiction.
Episode 31. February 10, 2010. With Mark Kastleman.
This weeks episode is titled, “Is Masturbation a Healthy Outlet?”
Submitted by a Candeo Student
I’ve been in the Candeo program for a few months and the stuff I’m learning really got me thinking about this whole masturbation thing. I started masturbating when I was about 13 and I did it regularly all during my teen years. A lot of times I did it with porn and other times just to fantasies in my mind and sometimes I did it for a quick rush or just to get to sleep. It wasn’t a big deal and it wasn’t hurting any one, it was convenient and free, and it was just a natural, normal urge. But it got out of control where I couldn’t “not” do it and that really pissed me of, like something was controlling me and I was a slave to it. I don’t like to be controlled. That is one of the big reasons I signed up for the Candeo program so I could get my freedom back, so I could get back in charge of my own life.
About the time I started looking at the Candeo website, I was also taking a psychology class in college. We were studying about how the human brain and body follow a kind of “use it or lose it” approach. As we talked about it I started to make a connection to masturbation. I know that sounds weird but hear me out.
Our body is majorly efficient. If we stop using something, it shrinks or totally shuts down all together. Here’s an example. I have a sister who was in an accident and messed up her knee. She had an operation and was on crutches. She was supposed to go through physical therapy and start putting weight on her leg gradually and build it up. She didn’t like the work and pain so she stayed on the crutches and didn’t follow through on the physical therapy. The result was very limited range of motion, lost muscle, scar tissue built up and she can’t walk well to this day. Because she wouldn’t do the hard work and took the easy route of relying on her “crutch,” her body didn’t use all of its healing and building capacities and powers. Yeah, she can get around, but now she has to have her crutches just to function at a super basic level. Compare this to what would’ve happened if she hadn’t totally relied on the crutches but had done the physical therapy work. It would have taken longer and a lot more work, but today she would be walking, running, doing recreational stuff—she would have the freedom to do whatever she wants instead of being a slave to her crutches.
So how does this compare to masturbation? Every time I felt stressed, pressure, depressed, bored, lonely or just wanting a rush I ran to my crutch, masturbation, which was quick and easy and free. But every time I turned to that I became more dependent on it, like my sister’s crutches, and at same time I wasn’t developing any other skills to deal with my challenges. So like muscles not being used, those other capacities and powers and abilities shriveled up and became mostly useless. So when I was lonely or bored or stressed, instead of dealing with those in a self building and developing way I took the easy, quick route of masturbation. This made me a really narrow person who became weaker and weaker and more and more dependent on my crutch or my drug. To put it bluntly, I was a slave to it.
I tried just fighting the urge, just forcing the thought out of my head but that was a joke. I could only fight it so long until I gave in every time. Then the Candeo program taught me how to start using my other coping skills and abilities. How to stop relying on my crutch and start developing and building healthy skills. The trouble is that masturbation releases a ton of natural chemicals in the brain just like with a drug addiction and my brain became wired to rely on the chemical release for all kinds of situations in my life. As I learned to use other outlets and responses I noticed that the urge to masturbate lessened more and more. At first it was pretty tough, but I just kept at it and over some time I felt myself breaking free. This was so amazing because I never thought I could get to that point. I still have some times where I fall back into it, but they are fewer and fewer. It’s getting to the point where it’s just not that big of a deal and really there are a lot of other things I enjoy more. The biggest pay off of all this is that I don’t feel like a slave any more—I actually have my freedom back and that is worth everything.
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by John Hodges, Candeo Student
Hi, my name is John Hodges and I started with Candeo back in the early fall of last year. I was at a point in my life that I knew had to be rock bottom. I had lost my marriage and fell through a roof and was out on workers’ comp. I was at home surfing the web when I found an article about Candeo. After losing my marriage due to a string of bad choices I had made, I had plunged myself into self medicating with pornography and masturbation. I knew, however, that at some point I was going to pass the point of safe return and be lost forever (because I chose to be). I didn’t want this. So, when I saw the article and came to the site, I felt that God and steered me to it. Now, I KNOW that He did.
I didn’t balk at the price, it was much higher then, because I knew I had to try something different. I had been looking at porn off and on for years . . . masturbating quite regularly since I was 9, and really never saw a way out. In fact, every time I heard the charge to “be perfect” from the scriptures, I would cringe and wonder why God was such a harsh disciplinarian. Again, it was time for a change. I had struggled by executing a bad strategy long enough, so I knew that this was time for me to call a time out, re-strategize, and to go back into the game with a new game plan.
Candeo was/is exactly that…a new game plan! It stresses change, accountability, and for me, most importantly, consistency…not perfection! It’s exactly what I needed, and still need, in order to live my life as peacefully as I do now. But I’ve learned that the techniques I learned through Candeo not only benefit me with sexual addiction, but also with my food addiction…in fact, I’m down by more than 40 lbs since starting, my relationships with my children, ex-wife, and even ex-in-laws are the best they’ve ever been. But most importantly, I have learned, through this process and the techniques, to love ME. I love myself so deeply now. Through this journey, I’ve gone through several phases trying to figure out who I am…something I was always afraid to do because of my fear of what others would think of me. I went through a clubbing phase, a rock star phase, a jewelry wearing phase, and even a gender bending phase (with nail polish and eyeliner, too…EVEN AT CHURCH!!!! LOL!!!) In the end, I’ve come to realize that I am me . . . and without all of the accessories, clothes, make-up, etc. . . . I love me, and God loves me with or without those things . . . so nothing else in the world matters. In fact, knowing this, everything else really just falls into place. I love me best with all of the exterior and surface stuff stripped away . . . everything . . . just me being me.
I’ve learned to connect with deity in a way that I never thought possible. And I don’t see my God as a tyrant that I fear reporting to, or who is constantly looking over my shoulder. No, I know that’s not who He is. He is a God who loves me, who keeps all of his promises, who, through His Son, has made it possible for me to be perfect in times of temptation through His tender mercy, love, and enabling grace.
To sum this all up . . . Candeo so rocks!
John
May you find peace – body, mind, and spirit.
