Written by Mark Kastleman on June 22, 2010 in Masturbation Addiction - 19 Comments

There are many millions of individuals across the world struggling to overcome unwanted sexual outlets and behaviors. On our Candeo blogs, we often receive comments asking, “Where do I find the motivation to stop these behaviors and get my life back?”

In the Candeo program, our worldwide “Students” have the opportunity to communicate, share and support each other through our “Student Forum.” Here are some comments directly from Candeo Students about “Where to find the motivation to quit.”

On the Candeo Forum, a new Student asked for advice on “how to stay motivated” to stop masturbating—

I have a kind of the “chicken or the egg” problem, which comes first? Discipline to stay away from porn or discipline for self-improvement. If I had the motivation and discipline to be “nonnegotiable” in the areas that you mentioned, journaling, praying, reading, etc., I know pornography wouldn’t be a problem. I just fail to stay motivated to be disciplined enough to do those tasks. It kind of reminds me of my jogging experience. One year I decided I wanted to start jogging. I got up bright and early every morning, rain or shine, and jogged 2 or 3 miles. I read RunnersWorld faithfully and enjoyed the experience immensely for several months (even considered marathon training), but winter came along and for some reason I lost interest. I seem to do that in a lot of areas in life. I get excited and motivated about something and then my interest just fizzles out.

True to form, I have treated the Candeo program the same way. With that being said, the crux of the problem appears to be motivation. If someone was paying me each morning to get up and go jogging or to get up and do my journaling, I know I would do it, but personal improvement, long term contentment, happiness, satisfaction, and peace, although very desirable, don’t have an immediate payoff on my emotions. So, as sad as that is, I don’t stay away from porn because I don’t feel any immediate gratification to avoid it.

How do you stay motivated?

Here’s a response from one of Candeo’s Students—

Sometimes I read posts on this forum to try and determine how others find the motivation to take this program seriously enough to structure a recovery. I am convinced 100% that with enough motivation and diligent attention to Candeo, anyone could rid themselves of this addiction in a relatively short timeframe. That is from my experience and what I read on the forum.

What causes people to find that inner motivation to really get after it diligently? I guess it is different for each person. But for me, it was just a couple of things.

1. I had an experience that caused me to imagine my life in several years as an old man having this problem, and not being able to control it such that I did something to completely humiliate myself and then that would be how my family would remember me for years/decades to come….that would be the legacy I would leave. It was almost unbearable for me to think about and I became very motivated.
2. I considered the tragedy that my life would be if I left this life taking this stupid addiction with me. I have had it for 20 years, it was not unthinkable that I could have it for a lot more and then I would take it with me to the grave. Kind of a mid-life crises, you could say, regarding my addiction and it almost made me ill to think about how much time I have lost, and how do I want to spend my remaining years. This was my “motivation epiphany” I guess you could say.

Others, I have read about here seem to have life situations that become a powerful motivator: divorces, something illegal happens, maybe their kid catches them watching porn, they lose their job when their boss catches them, they do something so outrageous it shocks even their own internal value system…all those really fun things that we flirt with all the time as we engage in this crap.

But it will be individual for each person. Can you create the motivation inside yourself to make this happen? I believe so. Better that than have to face the music when one of these fun scenarios above comes up!

How do you create the motivation? I believe you build it using some of the programs in Candeo, or maybe you can pray for it. But I think it can be done if you want to make it happen.

I wish you success in finding your inner motivation to do this. I don’t believe you can truly be happy in life until you do!

Here’s another Candeo Student offering advice on the Student Forum—

Your question about motivation is a good one. How do we find the motivation? You’d make a lot of money if you could package that formula and sell it. I often wonder why some athletes that have so much potential waste it. I would love to have their physical skills, and it frustrates me that their abilities are being “wasted.” Motivation is tough to pin down for each person, but there are thousands of stories of people who have risen from the ashes to do amazing things. One of my favorite motivational stories is the story of Jean Valjean from Les Miserables–even though it is fiction. Because of the love and example of the Bishop of Digne—Jean Valjean, a man who is hardened from a life in prison, changes in an incredible and very profound way. We don’t know how long it takes for the changes to take place, but eventually he is able to bless the lives of hundreds of people, which it appears brought him a lot of joy.

I wandered around for a long time fighting this addiction, and my motivation went through peaks and valleys. Like Thomas points out, part of it was picturing my life that I’d just wasted by being addicted to porn. I was reaching a low point, and I didn’t like who I was becoming. I didn’t want to lose another year (or day) to porn; I was tired of the lies, and I wanted to be free.

If you continue to work the system I believe you will find the motivation. It is a struggle for everyone to stay motivated all the time. I believe for that reason we have to be disciplined like you and Recover100 point out. (note: all Candeo Students have an anonymous “screen name.”) We need some reserves to be built up for those days when it is hard to find the motivation, and then when they are spent we build back up again. It is an up and down process.

This is what I remember: Pornography is toxic, and it is ruining your life. Every time you say to yourself: “this is my last time” or “what does it matter if I look one more time” you are lying to yourself and reinforcing to your brain and soul all the negativity associated with porn. Finally, you don’t live on an island. What I do affects others. If the mothers of these porn stars ever met me and could express their feelings, they’d spit in my face and ask how I could forget their daughters are people and not objects. How could I objectify them. What if someone did that to my daughter. I have a daughter, and the thought of her ever living this life makes me shudder.

Don’t give up. You aren’t alone. Motivation is tough for all of us, but it accumulates even through the peaks and the valleys. The longer you stick with CANDEO and work it, the more consistent you will become until you are free. Then you do whatever you can to never go back. You are right: It is a bit of the chicken and egg, so you have to picture that life free from porn and really work on wanting it. It is worth all the effort it will take.

If you’re trying to find the motivation to start you own journey of breaking free from unwanted sexual outlets and behaviors, start the Candeo program. You can check it out for 30 days with no risk. The Candeo tools, training, coaching and ongoing support have helped struggling individuals all over the world. It can help you. And the Candeo Students are ready to offer advice and support. The exciting part is, as you progress down your own path of freedom, you will become a mentor and support to others who struggle.