I have seen countless elementary school aged kids who are addicted to porn. I remember one little boy who was out for recess playing softball on a spring morning. There was a group of boys huddled in a group on the other side of the field. After the game he went over out of curiosity. They were looking at pornographic pictures that one of the boys had snuck from his Dad’s collection at home. This innocent, sweet little boy related to me that he was intrigued and then quickly addicted. He kept one of the pictures and carried it with him and hid it under his mattress at home. He searched for other pictures. He was in the second grade. A few years later, when he was 11-years-old, he molested his sister and was removed from his home and placed in a residential treatment facility for over a year. What a childhood this sweet innocent little boy experienced after he was introduced to porn and became addicted.
I will never forget a mother who came into my office ten years ago, eyes swollen and red. She related a story about her 24-year-old son.
He was the Valedictorian in High School, popular, affectionate, loving, a leader. He was a spiritual young man and loved going to Church and participating. He had even gone on a mission to share with others the love he felt for the Savior. After he returned from his mission he went on to college and was on the high honor roll. Just the week before I met her, she had come home after shopping at the grocery store. She saw that his car was in the driveway so she knew he was home. She and her son had always had a very special bond and relationship. He was the kind of son who would say to his friends, “Of course I’m a momma’s boy” and he was proud of it.
After setting the groceries down she called his name and went downstairs to his room to find him. The door to his bedroom was ajar. She knocked, but when he didn’t answer she opened the door and found her beloved son lying in a pool of blood. He had shot himself in the head. She screamed and held him in her lap. She lost consciousness. It was too much for her to bear. When she came to she was covered in her son’s blood. Hundreds came to his funeral. They were confused, shocked. How could someone who had so much talent, life and enthusiasm have taken his own life? He had left a note.
“I am sorry. I can’t go on. I am so ashamed. Please don’t blame me. I have been struggling with pornography for years. At times I have gone months without viewing it, but I always fail. I am so ashamed. You know I respect women; I can’t believe that I can’t quit. I hate what I look at. I hate I can’t quit. I can’t take it anymore. I hate myself for what I have become. I love you. Please understand. I would rather be dead than alive and living with this horrible secret and repulsive craving for something that disgusts me. Your Son.”
In despair, shame and desperate hopelessness he killed himself.
Since then I have seen many Mothers, Fathers, Brothers, Sisters and friends who are left heartbroken after a suicide. Whenever I hear of a suicide, I always wonder if it is from someone who has struggled with a sexual addiction alone. I have seen many, way too many.
Me
October 28, 2009 • 1:31 am
I feel the same way. I could shoot myself in the head to stop Looking and have thought about it alot. I cannot go through with it though because I have kids. I cannot abandon them even though I am severly depressed. Have been
through counseling. I guess I will go back again. Having failed. Writing this helps a little. I feel like someone might understand.
V. Allison
March 18, 2010 • 5:54 am
Am i right to presume that persons looking at pornography have a low self esteem?
Winner
May 12, 2010 • 5:26 pm
Allison, People who look at porn hate who we have become. And hence they have a low self esteem. Three keys, I feel to over come addiction to pornography are 1) to dig deep inside to see what the root cause is for looking at pornography. For me it was being afraid of rejection. I looked at pornography to give people a reason to reject me. 2) Have loving support people that will work with you through the Candeo system. Fortunately for me that is my beautiful wife. And 3) You must forgive yourself. Over and over and over again. I will beat his addiction I am a winner.
Edin
June 6, 2010 • 1:46 am
These stories hurt. Hurt profoundly. I am typing my comment and tears are rolling down my face. I am so sorry for that little boy. And I completely understand that guy who took his life. He just couldn’t stand it anymore. He was probably praying and praying for years but of no avail. Like all of us. He eventually lost his hope that he would ever be cured. And he decided to put an end on everything. How many times I wanted and want to do the same. But I just can’t. I am not afraid to die. I am sick of perpetual struggle with masturbation and porn addiction. This monster seems unconquerable. The only way to beat it is to shoot yourself… Or does it? I still believe in God (I am a Muslim). If I kill myself doesn’t it mean that I lost my faith in God? And hope? Isn’t it a mortal sin? And I can’t do it to my parents. No way. It would devastate them.
I’ll give a try with Candeo. Somehow I believe you guys. I just don’t understand where does my strength and determination to try and try again for thousands of times after so many failures and set backs come from. Obviously from God. I’m sure not from me.
It is God who constantly reminds me of what W. Churchill said: “Never, never, never, never give up.” And: “If you are going through hell keep going.” And someone else said:” It’s only through the darkness that someone of us will find the light.” God help you guys.
Lee
September 6, 2010 • 7:10 am
Porn addiction is a bane to our contemporary society. As Winner had pointed out rightly, the root cause of porn addiction should be found before we actually think of getting rid of it. Often it is something else than just lust. I started watching porn due to frustration that girls reject me due to my short height. Fortunately I never became an addict. I just casually watch it once in a while when I need to get myself “relieved”. But I can certainly understand what a person might feel when he is addicted to porn. To this day, I didn’t have a girlfriend but I kind of learned to live with the fact. The reasons can range from work stress to child abuse and incest. Another friend of mine told me about her female friend whose husband is a porn addict and how it is ruining her life. Only if we counsel the affected person we will know. I met a psychologist recently who discussed about porn addiction among children below the age of 10. It is annoying to see how the society is changing.
yvette
April 13, 2011 • 7:30 pm
I have and 11 yr old who’s addicted to porn, I don’t know what to do. We’re trying counseling but it’s not helping what should I do?
MarkH
April 26, 2011 • 11:03 am
Yvette,
Thanks for looking to us as a possible resource. We are very confident in our programs approach to change and have helped thousands of people reach their goals. That said, we also realize that individuals are just that, individuals, and what works for one person might not work for another. We do our best to personalize the program and provide program coaches to help people through the program. At such a young age your child’s brain is still developing and actually more capable of “re-wiring” to a healthy sexuality mindset. Kind of a silver lining with youth struggling with porn addiction. Our program also offers education and support for those helping the person through the process and we are working hard to increase that support. You would play an active role as your child moves through the program and learns new things. We would love to have the chance to help you and your child. If it’s not a right fit, we wish you all the best.
kevine
August 1, 2011 • 3:04 am
hey am eleven going to be 12 ever since i live in my other country i never new what porn was until i moved to canada my friends at school keep talking about porn they said they watch i was so stupid i tried to follow them and i get addicted to it am trying to do the best i can so i have stop watching porn for a year now i hope i continue to do so